dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
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Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
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I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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