why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize