at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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