Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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