Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
