Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
