So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
