I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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