Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
