My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think I am morally bankrupt
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
