so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
