so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
