My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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