You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How does one acquire holy water?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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