why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
