im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
