i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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