guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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