just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
