Me too!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
