yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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