im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
