Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.