once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
