Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
