Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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