so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
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I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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