he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
