Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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