Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
