As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
