Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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