Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
soo... how was my night?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
