you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My dick has a subreddit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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