i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
