i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw a hot homeless man
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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