My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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