dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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