so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
