you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
