How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
