Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
