we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
