oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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