So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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