You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
