Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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