i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
