:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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