They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
