So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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