I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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