the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
