Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize