Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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