so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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