the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize