Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
