lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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