Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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