One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize