the condom got lost in my hair
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
