I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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