There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
