I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
