Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
