hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
