I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
