theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need a beard to bite.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
