Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
