dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
