You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
