just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
